Lost Art of Courting
January 25, 2010 by Mr. Jones
Filed under Coming Together
*Disclaimer* I wrote and rewrote this at least 5 times. And every time I reread it, my views were different than before. In the beginning, I thought courting and dating were the same thing. But they are not. On the surface, dating can lead to courting. Some people who are believers of courting will tell you that the two, dating and courting, will never cross paths. Nor should they ever be tied together.
It seems like marriage is a big topic today. Either you are talking about getting married, getting out of a marriage, never getting or you can’t find someone to marry. I think in some cases, people are using marriage as a fad.
The thing that seems to be missing in today’s society is the Lost Art of Courting. What’s courting you might ask? The easy answer is courting is building a marriage from the start. I mean, there is no, I will see how it goes. Or maybe, he/she is alright, but I’m not ready to settle down. No, courting means, you meet that person, and you start the journey of preparing your wedding and marriage.
Courtship can be defined as – To gain the love or affections of, especially to seek to marry.
Courtship is the slow build-up of a relationship. I mean real slow.
Is there a difference from dating? Yes. Let me tell you how. With dating, you are trying to get to know the person better. After you establish a relationship, you think of the future. With courting, you are trying to plan for the future from the start.
I had an older gentleman tell me, “You young people do not understand the value of courting. And you could not live by the courtship values if your life depended on it.” To a certain extent, he is right. How many people will waste there time jumping into a full on relationship with someone they hardly know? Not many. I know Khole and Lamar got married fast, but the chances of them having major problems early on are high.
In today’s society, courting will not last. Courtship is a dying sport. It would seem crazy to wait at least a year to spend some 1 on 1, with my future mate. I know our backgrounds can dictate what we do in the future, but it seems crazy not to date a range of people to gage a interest in what one may or may not like.
Really, courting should be the way to go. You don’t rush into anything. You develop and grow together. Both families form a bond that helps. You are still able to see your mate grow as a person. And they are watching you develop more into an adult.
You will have some reglious figures who might tell you that dating is sinning. They have there right to say that.
I’m not saying dating should die. Neither will I say everyone should be courting. I think both are needed in today’s world. Without dating, I may never have meet my future. If I was courting, I think my ex would have a been on that show Snapped. You know the show about women killing there boyfriends and husbands.
Whatever you choose, dating or courting, be careful, be patience, be open minded, and be understanding. Relationship building is not an easy task. And everyone who is a catch is not always a catch. One should never comment early. Look at relationships like a fine wine. If you keep that wine closed up, it gets better with time.
court.ship n. The act or period of wooing a woman. (American
Heritage Dictionary, 1981)
There are four ingredients to courtship:
Action. Time Frame. Pursuance. Response of a Woman.
In Contrast…
date/dat.ing n/v. Informal. To make or have a social engagement
with (a person of the opposite sex) (American Heritage Dictionary,
1981)
There are four ingredients to dating:
Creation. Action. Social Activity. Either Gender can Pursue.
I like the idea of courting, but think that its so difficult because of time. We’re all so busy that everything we do is on a schedule. Courting takes time, energy and effort – and the option of dating gives so many more meeting opportunities. And, maybe both men and women think that courtship is like placing all your eggs in one basket. Still, courting sounds more romantic – like both parties have embarked on a journey together. (note: I must be in a strange mood today!)
Courting sounds nice, but it seems kind of strange not to have other experience with other people.
what happened to courting? it is definately obselete. I think men used to court because they wanted to find out what a woman they wanted was about and lure her into liking him. Now with so much promiscuity, there is no need for it. All they gotta do is get the number and they can get the coochie.
I actually thought one led to the other; that the dating process was a way to meet people and help weed out those you don’t have the basics in common with, then once the list is narrowed down, you begin to “court” that specific individual until you reach the point of marriage?
LOL@ MsHoney! Is this a correct equation: (phone number + phone call = coochie?) If this is correct, maybe its women who’ve lost the power of courtship by crossing the line from assertive to aggressive in trying to “land” a man in their life. Men haven’t changed – other than being confident that the equation works.
@CB that’s what I thought. When you get into the real meaning behind courtship, it is nothing like that.
Courtship is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval.
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I agree with CB, dating leads to courtship and i think your definition of what courtship is off. Now, there is a definite distinction between dating and sex
or a booty call. Courting in this day is equivalent to dating but back in the day courting is when two parties that are betrothed to one another, meet and get to know each other for a short period of time before their impending wedding.
The word “betrothed” is why I didn’t understand whether I courted back in the day or not! LOL I like all of the definitions though. Thanks.